1. 海を越える飛行で「機長です。この機会を利用して再度お伝えしますが、シートクッションは浮き輪として使えます」

2. 皆さん、ここでくだらない地理のゲームをしたいと思います。今いるのがどこかわかる人はフライトアテンダントへ伝えて、もう一つピーナッツパックを貰えます

3. 飛行高度を失った場合、この辺の地表が近づく様を味わえます。これは我々の航空会社が皆さんに約束している絢爛豪華な風景のひとつです。

4. グース、敵が２時の方向。一つが後ろ。エジェクト、エジェクト！

5. う～～、ごめん（無音）

6. （離陸直後に機体が引き返したとき）う～ん、戻らなければ。何かを忘れた。

7. みんなエンジンがなくなったことが気づいただろうが、重量と空気抵抗が少なくなったんだから、効率的になった。

8. シートベルトを締めて（自殺癖のある友人の車に乗ったときに言われるのと同じトーンで）

1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.

2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.

3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.

4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!

5. Ummmmmm....Sorry......(silence)

6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have to go back ....we ..we ....uhhhhhh ....forgot something.....

7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.

8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car).

9. This is your Captain speaking....these stupid planes are a lot different than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some leeway...

10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.

11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and ... Oh noooooooo!!!!!..

12. Don't worry! That one is always on E...

13. Get the parachutes ready...

14. Drinks are on me...

15. I'll have what the Captain's having...

16. Hey capt'n take another hit man...